My day starts at 6am, and work begins at 8, which means I’ve allowed myself four minutes to grab lunch from the 24/7 garage round the corner, before cycling to the GoPostal depot in Downtown Vinewood on the other side of town. One in-game day, then, is 48 real-life minutes-long. In the Grand Theft Auto HD Universe (from GTA 4 onwards), one in-game hour is equivocal to two real-life minutes. What a tune, I think to myself, as I set up camp in the Clinton Residence – Auntie D’s house in Strawberry, otherwise known as the Forum Drive safehouse, and, for the purpose of this roleplay endeavour, ‘home’. I galvanised the holiday vibe by playing a Christmas playlist in real life, which, in essence, meant playing Chris Rea’s ‘Driving Home For Christmas’ on repeat, because, let’s be clear, it’s the best Christmas song in the history of Christmas songs. Playing as a delivery man at Christmas, with Free Mode’s snowfall filter in full-swing, I quickly took on the mantle of makeshift Los Santos Santa Claus. Similar to how Andy enjoys simulator games, I found myself utterly captivated by the systematic monotony of my self-imposed rules, and, as conceited as it may sound, discovered a degree of serenity I never thought possible in a game otherwise associated with murder, drug deals and robbing banks. I stuck religiously to an in-game schedule as I commuted to work on my BMX bike, bought my lunch at the local gas station, worked a shift, clocked off at the end of the day, and returned home.

With this, combined with end-of-year reflection, new year’s resolutions and the spirit of giving during the holiday season in mind, my latest roleplay endeavour saw me throw myself into a courier job with GoPostal. In doing so myself, I’ve discovered an entirely new game. More than GTA 5’s vanilla modes allow, though, the roleplay scene lets you sign up to a 9-5 lifestyle wholeheartedly. I bet you’ve had fun, for a wee while, before strolling down the sidewalk and sticking the head on an innocent passer-by just because, well, you can. I bet you’ve driven at the speed limit and stopped at red lights. When not chasing missions in Story Mode or GTA Online, I bet you’ve had a bash at playing by the book in Grand Theft Auto.

And after an exhilarating run of murder, deceit, robbery, and, um, vampirism and death-by-undead in Grand Theft Auto 5 roleplay, I must admit: I’m knackered.įor a long time now, I’ve flirted with the idea of truly committing to a server’s RP rules without listening to the pint-sized devil on my shoulder.

Ever had your private parts gnawed on by a hungry police dog while you’re laid flat on your back, oozing blood, on the tiled floor of a jewellery store’s vault room? I have.

Gta v online casino huge disappointment